Instagram Husband is a perfectly presented satire of the people behind the camera phones who help Instagram stars create and curate their pristine personas. In short, it’s a thankless, soul-crushing, meal-delaying way to live.
You are walking in a mall, where suddenly your wife/girlfriend sees a puppy, and you know you have to stop. You are getting ready to leave for dinner, and she just straightened her hair, you know you have to stop. You are at a bar, and she just ordered her fancy looking drink. You want to drink, but you know…
That’s right, you are an Instagram Husband. You are basically a selfie stick.
Check out the viral video.
Are you still unsure if you’re an Instagram Husband?
Answer these questions.
1. Are you the designated photographer for your Instagram Wife?
2. Do you take more pictures with your Instagram Wife than you would take on your own?
3. Is your photo thumb calloused and/or blackened with wear?
4. Have you ever been yelled at for presuming you should only take one, maybe two, pictures of a particular pose?
5. Do you suffer from uncontrollable bodily twitches when you hear any mention of the words: selfie, brick wall, puppy, succulent, the food has arrived, shoes, it’s snowing out, I don’t look good in this one, one more, crema, sunset, latte?
6. Have you ever taken pictures of your Instagram Wife while she pretended to sleep peacefully?
7. Have you ever thought to yourself when looking at an Instagram photo you took, “Only I know the rage and venom that was directed at me immediately before and after this seemingly happy photo was taken.”?
8. Have you ever said, “I can’t take this anymore, it’s me or your Instagram followers, Katelyn!”? Have you ever been saddened by the length of time she took to answer, “Hashtag-followers, Bradley. I choose my followers.”?
9. Have you stood on more railroad tracks since meeting your Instagram Wife than in the previous years of your life combined?
10. Do you need help?
1-3 You are an Instagram Friend
4-6 You are an Instagram Boyfriend
7-8 You are an Instagram Fiancé
9-10 You are an Instagram Husband
11-12 You are not great at counting